Lamentations of a Father

On those days when I feel my fatherly patience wearing thin, I take comfort from the lamentations of fellow father, Ian Fraizer:

Laws of Forbidden Places:
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table:
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert:
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.

And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming:
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands:
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.

And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see.

Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances:
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Same Great Life - Half the Stress

With all the things going on lately, I've given up some of it. My creative writing stuff took the first hit. It was fun, but I've got too many other things going on to devote that much time to it.

Also, as strange as it might seem considering my last post, I've also asked to be released from my position as Cubmaster. It was just too much with school and work and family and hobbies and...and...and...you get the idea.

What it really boils down to is focusing on getting through this last semester and into the work force again. I can't let my schooling suffer because I'm trying to do too many things at once.

On a completely different note, Mary will be turning eight in March. That means she will be getting baptized. Big day for her and for the family. We've already started the planning and it looks like it will take place on Saturday, March 25 (Hey...isn't that someone's birthday? ::wink::). We're coordinating it all with another family who has a little boy being baptized on the same day. Should be quite the shin-dig.

( Insert Witty Title Here )

Okay, I hope there were no excessive puddles to clean up.

I got together with the Director of Field Operations for the Inland Northwest Council of the Boy Scouts of America. We talked about professional scouting. Now, despite what that sounds like, it is not the same as being a volunteer leader in the scouting program. Professional scouters deal with the business side of a non-profit organization.

We chatted for about an hour and I liked a lot of what he had to say, and he liked a lot of what I had to say. We both came away with the feeling that this would be a good job for me. This, however, was just the first step. I still have to have an official application sent off to the national office. Then, when I get closer to finishing up here, I will have to go for a job-specific interview.

There are no openings currently in this area - which is fine by me. He showed me the list of openings in the western U.S. and there are plenty of opportunities. It will be just a matter of narrowing down where I'd like to live.

Like any job there are good points and bad points, and he didn't pull any punches about what the job is like. Be that as it may, I honestly feel that the good aspects outweigh the bad. The entry-level position is called a "District Executive" - it is the person in charge of a geographical region within a council. A great analogy is to think of it like being an owner/operator of a franchise...you are given what you need to succeed, but success is up to you. That is my kind of job!

I will get my application finished and sent this week, then it just becomes a waiting game until mid-April.

Job Interview Coming Up

Tomorrow is my big job interview. Okay, it is actually a "pre-interview" interview - those of you who have been job hunting know what I'm talking about. I'm not going to mention what job it is for yet. I want to wait until I see how tomorrow goes. Quite awhile ago, I mentioned being disappointed with the library field and that I had "a clever plan." Well, this is it. We'll see just how clever it turns out to be...

In the meantime, here is my resume with the header information (address, phone, ect.) taken out. It looks much better when it is all formated and printed on nice paper.

EMPLOYMENT
2004-2006 Staff Assistant, Washington State University Library System
• Responsible for acting when full staff member not present
• Directs work of student workers
• Re-prioritizes work loads when necessary
• Provides patron assistance in locating desired materials
• Helps maintain stack area, reference collection, and current journals/newspapers
• Maintains library equipment (copiers, printers, computers, and media)
• Trains employees in shelving, public service, circulation, interlibrary loans, and media functions

2002-2004 Department Manager, Hastings Entertainment
• Merchandised product to promote sales according to corporate standards
• Maintained proper inventory levels using corporate reports and ordering when needed
• Set department goals to achieve growth and maximum profitability
• Maintained a clean and organized department by following set schedule
• Trained, directed, motivated and counseled department associates to ensure efficient use of labor

2002 Assistant Grocery Store Manager, Sunshine Dairy
• Supervised store closing and lock-up
• Supervised store opening
• Counted register tills at closing and set up tills for opening
• Provided customer service, including helping to solve customer problems and complaints
• Supported other employees in staying productive
• Assisted in unloading of truck shipments
• Stocked perishable and non-perishable inventory
• Provided regular cleaning and light maintenance of store and equipment

2001 Intern – Merchandise Host, Walt Disney World
• Provided customer service, merchandising, and purchase assistance

1999 Night Auditor, Super 8 Motel
• Gathered and tracked financial data for 50+ unit motel

1994-2000 Electronic Computer & Switching Systems Specialist, Washington Air National Guard
• Received Honor Graduate award from Basic Military Training
• Managed a shift as Staff Sergeant
• Supported and maintained computer communication system comprising LAN, modem, and satellite connections

EDUCATION
2006 Washington State University – Bachelors Degree in Anthropology
1998 US Air Force Non-Commissioned Officer Leadership Academy
1994 US Air Force Technical School – Basic Electronics & Computer Maintenance


Too Busy

1800 yards today. Feeling like I'm almost back in my groove.

Also starting up one of those free community classes tonight: Amateur Radio Training.

It official, I am involved in too much stuff.