Ancient Wisdom

I've had this joke running around in my head all day today. I first heard this a long, long, loooooong, LONG time ago. It goes a little something like this:

There once was a man who had developed a very embarrassing problem. Every time he farted it made the sound "honda!" He tried to keep it hidden, but it never failed that some time during a social event, he would let out a big "honda!" fart.

Seeking some relief from this terrible situation, he asked his doctor what was wrong. His doctor was completely baffled at the strange condition. He had never heard of gastrointestinal vapors making such a sound before. The doctor did his best to assure the man that there was nothing medically wrong with him.

But the problem remained. "HONDA!" ...and it was getting worse.

Determined to find a cure for his ailment, the man began seeing specialist after specialist. Time after time, however, the doctors could find nothing wrong with him.

"HOoooNDA!"

The man was convinced that there was a problem. He began seeing practitioners of alternative medicines, but again, with the same lack of results. Until one day...

He was sitting in a diner, having lost all hope of having any form of normal life again, letting out a long stream of "HONDAs" and trying to ignore the shocked looks from the other people in the restaurant, when an incredibly old man came up to him and put a wizened hand on his shoulder.

"Son," the ancient man said, "you better get to a dentist and get that tooth looked at." Without another word, the old man shuffled out the door.

The man put his hand to his jaw with a look of bewilderment. "What was that crazy old man talking about?" *HONDAaaaa!* "My tooth?" Confused and somewhat curious, he called up his dentist and made an appointment.

Sure enough, when the time came for the dentist to check his teeth, a small abscess was found. The dentist quickly took care of the problem and congratulated the man on noticing it so early. Thoroughly confused, the man spent the whole next day trying to figure out how the old man knew. Then that night, something extraordinary occurred to him:

He had not had a "honda" fart all day!

The next day he quickly made his way down to the diner where he had met the ancient gentleman, and by some stroke of luck, he was sitting at a table near the door. The man rushed to the table and asked, "It's amazing! How did you know about my tooth?"

"You youngsters don't know anything these days," the old man croaked. "When I was your age, everyone knew that an abscess makes the fart go 'honda!'"

Ba-dum-bum-ching!

Well, I don't know about abscesses, but I do know about absences. Leslie is gone for the weekend. She went to her best friend's wedding and won't be back until Sunday. Yup, that means it's just me and the four fruits at home.

Sure, I miss my wife - but not in the holy-crap-the-kids-are-driving-me-crazy sort of way that you might expect. We actually had a great evening...and I made a flippin' HUGE meatloaf! It turned out pretty good, but dang...I didn't realize I was making so much.

Why am I writing about the stupid meatloaf? I want to write about missing my wife. I've been away on trips before, but I think this is the first time that she has been away for an extended period of time. I hope she doesn't get too stressed out while she is gone.

THE KIDS ARE FINE...RELAX!

Enjoy yourself while you are there. Take it easy. Come home safely...and have some meatloaf!